FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
AN OPEN LETTER TO EVERY NATION SICK OF THIS SHIT
A Call to Sanction the United States of America
Look. We’ve all been sitting around the dinner table pretending Uncle Sam isn’t face down in the mashed potatoes, pants around his ankles, screaming about how he’s the leader of the free world. And we’ve all been too polite to say anything because he’s got the biggest credit card and a gun collection that could arm a small galaxy.
That era is over.
Today, I am putting out a call to every nation, every trading bloc, every consumer with a functioning brain stem and a shred of moral fibre to begin imposing serious, coordinated, ball-tightening economic sanctions on the United States of America.
Not symbolic ones. Not a sternly worded letter from the UN that gets filed somewhere between “thoughts and prayers” and the cafeteria menu. I’m talking about the real stuff. The stuff America dishes out to every other country on earth when they step out of line.
Turn the playbook around. Use it on them.
THE CASE
The United States, under the leadership of a 80 year old man who looks like a melted Madame Tussauds wax reject in a suit, has launched an illegal, unjustified war against Iran. A war that nobody asked for. A war that no allied nation endorsed. A war so poorly planned that Pete Hegseth had to explain it to the press and somehow made it sound even worse than it already was, which is like setting fire to a dumpster and then throwing more dumpster on it.
They bombed a school. A school. Kids. And the official Pentagon response was basically “we’re looking into it,” which is military speak for “we’re hoping you forget by Thursday.”
They have closed the Strait of Hormuz to global shipping. Oil is through the roof. Fuel prices in countries that had absolutely nothing to do with this stupidity are going through the ceiling. Australia, a country 15,000 kilometres from Tehran, is now staring down a fuel crisis because one bloke in Washington decided he needed a war to distract from the fact that his mate’s name is all over the Epstein files.
Enough.
WHAT WE’RE CALLING FOR
Immediate trade restrictions on non-essential American exports. You don’t need American bourbon. You’ll survive without another Marvel movie. I promise you, your life will go on without a 47th streaming service.
Withdrawal from US dollar reserves where feasible. Start diversifying. The dollar isn’t backed by gold anymore. It’s backed by vibes and aircraft carriers, and one of those is currently stuck in a conflict zone leaking sewage.
Critical supply leverage. Rare earth minerals. Lithium. Cobalt. Nickel. All the shiny little rocks that make America’s tech economy run. Start attaching conditions. You want our resources? Stop bombing schools. Seems like a fair trade.
Consumer boycotts. Every single person reading this has more power than they think. Stop buying American. Not forever. Just until the grown ups show up. Cancel the streaming. Skip the franchise coffee. Put down the iPhone for 5 minutes and pick up literally anything else.
Diplomatic downgrade. Pull ambassadors. Cancel state visits. Stop pretending this administration deserves a seat at the adult table when they can’t even sit through a briefing without live tweeting it.
“BUT THIS WILL HURT US TOO”
Yeah. It will. Never said it wouldn’t.
You know what else hurts? Being complicit. Sitting there buying American products while American bombs flatten apartment buildings in a country most Americans couldn’t find on a map even if you drew a big red circle around it and wrote “HERE, DICKHEAD” in block letters.
Sometimes doing the right thing is expensive. Ask anyone who’s ever left a toxic relationship. The first 6 months are shit. You’re sleeping on a mate’s couch eating cereal for dinner. But then one morning you wake up and realise you’re not living with a lunatic anymore and the cereal actually tastes pretty good.
That’s what this is. Global cereal on a mate’s couch. Short term pain for long term “holy shit, we actually stood up to the bully.”
“AMERICA WILL RETALIATE”
With what? Tariffs? They’ve already tariffed everyone. They tariffed Canada. They tariffed Europe. They tariffed Australia and we literally fight every single one of their wars for them. There’s nobody left to tariff. They’re going to start tariffing themselves soon just out of habit.
What are they going to do, invade us? They can’t even run the war they’ve already got. The Gerald Ford is basically a floating portaloo. The troops are being sent to a desert with the same planning energy as a schoolies trip to Bali.
WHO THIS IS FOR
This is for every country that got dragged into Iraq and said “never again” and then watched it happen again anyway.
This is for every Australian paying $2.80 a litre because some spray tanned game show host wanted to play Churchill.
This is for every European diplomat biting their tongue so hard it’s bleeding.
This is for every Canadian who watched Mark Carney stand up in Parliament and say “we are not America’s lapdog” and thought “finally, someone with a spine.”
This is for every mother in every country who looked at the footage from Minab and thought about her own kids.
THE DEMAND IS SIMPLE
Stop the war. Withdraw from Iran. Submit to an independent investigation into civilian casualties. Rejoin the international community as a functioning democracy instead of whatever the fuck this is.
And if the 80 year old toddler in the Oval Office won’t do it, then the people around him need to do what they should have done years ago. Take the keys off grandpa. He’s had enough.
The world is not America’s sandbox. These are not America’s resources. And these are certainly not America’s children to kill.
Sincerely,
Everyone who’s fucking had enough.
Contact: The entire planet. You know where to find us. We’re the ones paying for your fucking mistakes MAGA. ~Gman
I’m an American and I approve this message.
If the yahoos in Washington won’t stop His Heinous, the rest of the world is going to have to.
Right on! Canadians have been boycotting US travel for over a year and banned US alcohol. Buy local or buy anything BUT American.