THE SIMP IN CHIEF

The Man Who Tore Up the "Worst Deal Ever" Just Signed Something Infinitely Worse

BREAKING: Iran says it has "forced" the US to accept its "10-point plan" which includes the following terms:
1. Commitment to non-aggression
2. Iran’s control over the Strait of Hormuz
3. Acceptance of Iran's uranium enrichment
4. Lifting of all primary sanctions
5. Lifting of all secondary sanctions
6. Termination of all UN Security Council resolutions
7. Termination of all Board of Governors resolutions
8. Paying compensation to Iran
9. Withdrawal of US combat forces from the region
10. Cessation of war on all fronts, including in Lebanon
Trump says this plan is "a workable basis."

Holy fucking hell. Let’s just take a moment to absorb what we’re looking at here.

Donald “I alone can fix it” Trump, the man who spent eight years calling Obama a weak-kneed, Iran-appeasing, apologist-in-chief, the man who tore up the JCPOA like it was a parking ticket because it was “the worst deal ever made,” the man who assassinated Qasem Soleimani and called it “a great day for peace,” the man who launched Operation Epic Fury and told the world America was back and Iran was about to learn a very expensive lesson...

...just got handed a ten-point list by the country he’s been bombing, and called it “a workable basis.”

A WORKABLE BASIS.

Mate. MATE.

Let’s go through this slowly because I want every single one of you to feel this.

Iran gets to control the Strait of Hormuz. The most strategically critical shipping chokepoint on the planet. The one that 20% of the world’s oil flows through. Iran. Controls it. Permanently. Under US acceptance. That’s not a negotiation. That’s a ransom note with a bow on it.

Iran keeps enriching uranium. The entire premise of fifteen years of sanctions, four administrations of pressure, two assassination programs, and at least one cyberwar was to stop exactly this. Done. Gone. Iran enriches. Congratulations, you played yourself.

All sanctions lifted. Primary AND secondary. Every single economic lever the West has spent decades building, every piece of financial architecture designed to strangle the Iranian regime’s ability to fund Hezbollah and the Houthis and every other proxy militia from Beirut to Baghdad... gone. Poof. Because Iran “forced” the deal.

Compensation paid TO Iran. Let me repeat that. The United States. Pays. Iran. Money. After bombing them. This is the geopolitical equivalent of glassing someone at a pub and then giving them your wallet on the way out.

US combat forces withdraw from the region. Every adversary from Moscow to Beijing just got up from their desk and started slow clapping.

And the cherry on top? All UN Security Council resolutions terminated. All the international legal architecture. All of it. Iran walks away clean.

This is not a deal. This is a hostage release where the hostage is American credibility and they’re charging you for the rope they tied you up with.

Now here’s the bit that should make every MAGA skull-flag-waving “PEACE THROUGH STRENGTH” dickhead on the internet sit in total silence for about forty-five minutes:

If Barack Obama had come back from Vienna with this list, Fox News would have run a straight 96-hour coverage cycle. Tucker would have wept actual tears. Sean Hannity would have spontaneously combusted. They would have impeached him twice before lunch.

Trump does it? “Workable basis.”

The man who called the original Iran nuclear deal “a disaster” and “an embarrassment” just agreed to a deal that makes the JCPOA look like America negotiating from a position of absolute dominance.

The JCPOA at least had sunset clauses. At least had inspections. At least didn’t hand Iran compensation and Hormuz control and a free pass on enrichment simultaneously.

This isn’t peace through strength. This isn’t art of the deal. This isn’t 4D chess.

This is a 78-year-old man who started a war he didn’t understand, got his nose bloodied worse than he expected, and is now calling the retreat “a win” while his base nods along like the golden retriever in the car fire meme.

He’s a simp. A full, rolled-over, belly-up, tail-wagging simp for the Ayatollah.

And the worst part? The absolute gut-punch of it?

Every drop of oil price spike. Every dollar of superannuation losses. Every Australian business that got squeezed by the supply chain chaos. Every family that paid more for petrol, for groceries, for fertiliser-dependent food. All of it. All that pain, globally, for THIS.

To end up worse than where you started.

To hand Iran everything they wanted.

And call it workable.

You can’t make this up. You genuinely cannot make this up. ~Gman

The Art of the Deal, ladies and gentlemen. Available wherever books are sold, heavily discounted, remainder bin, bottom shelf, spine cracked, someone else’s name written inside.